Part 1 of 3: This is Part 1 in this series of blog posts on empathy.

Being a designer is being a therapist. “Designers, like therapists, are ‘people of the ear’” (Jeremy Hamann, Design Like a Therapist, 2019). The entire design process is filled with opportunities to listen: user interviews, design critiques, design workshops, usability testing…

If you’re a good listener, you can be a great designer (Hamann, Design Like a Therapist, 2019). As a designer, this is where your problem-solving starts.

Listen

Listen. It’s something we all need to be better at.

Listening is just powerful.
Empathy starts here. With listening. Be curious, engage in active listening, paraphrase, and make people feel heard. Altogether, theses emphasize the importance of showing authentic interest in others to build trust and meaningful connections.

Be Curious

Be curious: Approach interactions with a desire to learn and understand.

As Ted Lasso says, “Be curious, not judgmental.” To build relationships with your customers and stakeholders, you want to be naturally curious about people. Being curious is listening and listening is empathy, and empathy leads to persuasion. Let that curiosity drive your conversations. When that happens, you’ll have given yourself the materials to understand their perspective. And that is empathy!

Engage in Active Listening

Take an interest in people by showing your interest in what the other person is saying. Show care and attention toward others’ thoughts, experiences, or perspectives.

The Art of Conversation by Clay Sinclair

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”

–Ernest Hemingway

I like to engage in active listening. You can show your genuine interest in what the person says by “speaking” with your body. Even though you are silent, your body participates in the conversation with nods, smiles, the lean in… These subtle gestures get the person talking even more. People love talking about themselves, so listen, and show them you ARE listening. People appreciate that you take an interest. So take an interest. It goes a long way.

Paraphrase

Paraphrase: once the other person has laid out their position, take a swing at restating their view.

These restatements should be conversational, not confrontational. They often start with phrases like, “So, what you’re saying is…” or “Let me see if I’ve got you right…” and if you got it wrong, you won’t have to ask, they will correct you!

Make Them Feel Heard

People like to feel that they are heard and understood.

Whatever it is, let the person know you understand. You can do this by sharing a similar experience. One of the most powerful ways to cultivate empathy is through shared experiences.

Be more like a therapist

All of these insights about listening – be curious, engage in active listening, paraphrase, and make them feel heard – leads to something called ‘Humble Inquiry,’ a term coined by MIT professor Ed Schein. To demonstrate sincere interest in someone, you must convey empathy for that person, communicate your deep desire to help, and then let them do 80% of the talking.

Focus on building relationships with your customers and stakeholders to understand their problems and deliver value. And to do that, we start with listening.